Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Bacon Porn.

Let's say that today is Thursday and sunny. Let's say that things are going well. The day is warm, the trail is dry, and we're tooling along at a good clip.

Oh, sorry. I forgot about our location and bearings. We, you and I, are on a backpacking trip in summer. A long trip. Not foolhardy, but advanced, a little aggressive. We are about three quarters of the way through a 200 mile trip. One without resupply. We carry everything we need.

There is nothing special in this, except that most people won't ever do it, can't do it, couldn't imagine doing it. There is nothing special here either. Most people don't do most things, couldn't imagine them, and would never try. That is life.

But we, you and I, have been backpacking for a while, and we thought this might be fun.

It's a stretch, but not a huge one. We know what we're doing.

Going out for a couple of weeks is really nothing. There are hundreds of people who make more ambitious trips every year. Most of them, most of the time, resupply more often than twice a month, but over a summer they might hike thousands of miles.

We aren't doing that. We're having a little adventure. Long enough in itself, but not like a career move.

So, as I said, today is good. Things are going well. You and I are barely over the hump. This trip is far from over. We aren't far enough along to be in the home stretch, but we feel the pride building. We know we can finish. We know we will finish, in good shape, and this will be an accomplishment. Our plans worked. There is no reason to think we'll get into serious trouble.

But I'm starting to have recurring thoughts. The same ideas keep running through my head, all day, all night, over and over.

Things go like this.

Obsessive thinking. It's normal on a backpacking trip.

Sometimes it's songs I haven't heard forever. The melodies and the words, forgotten for years, but then. They come back and play themselves. I can't get away.

Sometimes it's the faces of people I once knew, in grade five. Day after day all I do is wonder what happened to them, and can't avoid seeing their young faces. Other times all I think about is a bathtub of hot water.

Right now, here, today, it's food.

I'm doing fine for food. It's all planned out. Everything tastes good, and I brought enough calories. I'm not in trouble, but food is haunting me like those long forgotten melodies.

On the trail you have to be careful about food. You need calories, and you need food that at least sort of tastes good. But you also need food that is portable, and quick to fix, and maybe most important of all, food whose smell won't give you away and cause trouble during the night. This gives you a lot of rules to obey, and you know what?

You have to leave out things you don't want to.

Food with strong flavor, food with strong aroma, perishable food, fresh food, exquisitely-flavored food, complicated food.

After a while it begins to gnaw at you. Your mind turns food into a game, and after a while you can't play any other game.

Take the bacon and cheese stuffed pizza burger.

Full of meat, full of cheese, huge, chewy, greasy, warm. Big enough to sit on. A meal like that could become a long term relationship. One that would keep you busy forever. Something that could take over your whole mind.

So you get home and before you can even start to think about fulfilling that fantasy of yours, you discover that someone has made a bacon and cheese stuffed pizza burger. And provided pictures. There is no recipe as such, but you puzzle that out from the photos.

So then you think, "Do I really want to go there?" And that's when you find out what you're made of.

Because.

Not everyone can handle this.

You need experience, and training, and a sense of adventure.

There is some danger too.

Bacon and cheese stuffed pizza burger:

Ingredients:
  • 2 frozen pizzas
  • 2 pounds bacon
  • fresh garlic
  • fresh onion
  • 3 pounds shredded cheese
  • 5 pounds ground beef
Directions:
  • fry bacon
  • mix garlic and onion into raw ground beef, adding salt, pepper, and any other seasonings
  • crumble half of the bacon and add it to beef
  • bake beef mixture in oven until done
  • top baked beef with cheese and the remaining bacon strips
  • meanwhile, bake both pizzas
  • lay one cooked pizza face up
  • shovel beef, cheese, and bacon onto pizza
  • top this with the second pizza
  • serve and eat
Approximate cooked weight: 9 pounds.

References:
The Bacon Cheese Stuffed Pizza Burger Howto
Desert: The Deep Fried Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Corn Batter Dipped Brownie
Home Base for big meals: SupersizedMeals.com

1 comments :

  1. LOL.

    That is seriously disgusting. I'm intrigued.

    ReplyDelete