Eau d’hiker

Hiker stink, from odious (hateful), which is close to odorous (poopy smell), but with an added hint of omigod!, and worse all around, truth be told.

Odious is related to the Spanglish adios, derived from the Spanish a dios vos acomiendo, sometimes translated as I commend you to God, but also validly translated as May God chop you into little bits, you stinky person.

Ultimately all this traces back to the French adieu, a dainty-sounding word also meaning I commend you to God, but with subtle muscular overtones of Because only God can give you proper punishment, you vile malodorous insect.

Hiker stink is so potent and makes such an unmistakable impression that a company named Liquid ASSets Novelties, LLC was formed to bottle it under the trade name of Liquid Ass.

We have this from a customer testimonial: "Liquid Ass is the most authentic smelling ass product I have found. It combines both a bona fide turd smell with the gaseous effects of a noxious fart bomb."

And that pretty well describes eau d’hiker, too, and though developing your own unique smell on the trail is more authentic than buying it already bottled, it is more work. And next to proper bathing, work is an even less interesting concept to hikers.

 

---

Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Always delightedly squeaking with cleanliness.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

Definitions: Giardiasis

(1) Free time off from work, possibly involuntarily if they kick you out for displaying unprofessional behavior (fever, chills, vomiting, explosive diarrhea, foul gas), if your workplace is on the fussy side.

(2) An intestinal illness consisting of fever, chills, vomiting, explosive diarrhea, foul gas, and abdominal cramping caused by the protozoan parasite Giardia duodenalis (also known as Giardia lamblia and Giardia intestinalis). See the unwanted poster down by the post office for more information, and wash your hands after just to be safe.

Beavers get it. Weavers get it. Even some bleeping fuzzy sheeps get it. Don't get it — it's nooo fun. (La-la-la.)

(3) Common slander spread about Giardia lamblia, a tiny, quiet and shy protozoan who just wants to get to know you, whoever you are. It's not fussy either — if you're a mammal or can pass for one, and are identifiable as still alive, you'll do.

(4) Nastiness that they say you get "via the fecal-oral route", which, to be honest, is way outside our comfort zone, but we don't judge. (Yes we do, if you want honesty. So don't invite us over for dinner, and stay far away, 'K?)

And there's more: "Primary routes are personal contact and contaminated water and food." Personal contact? As in OMG, no, don't tell me any more. Some innocent accident with water or food, maybe: OK, got it. Accident.

Personal contact? Nope. Halt. Stop. Freeze. Go away. Die whimpering in the corner — anything, just leave us out.

The nominal culprit, Giardia lamblia, is a parasitic protozoan (single-celled creepy thing) that infects and then reproduces in the intestines, causing you-know-what. It hangs out there for weeks or months, mucking around and inspiring all sorts of internal microbial imbalances but doesn't infect the bloodstream or other parts of the body. And that's the only good news. Eventually, in most cases, most of the time, the body manages to kill it off. But don't count on that either, if you're a realist.

 

---

See tabs at the top for definitions and books.
Have extra info to add?
If the commenting system is out again, then email sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Just now found my other leg. Handy.

Definitions: Butt Plant

(1) A butt plant is a way to kiss the earth without getting down on your hands and knees or having your upper lips come in contact with it.

It may result from a back-foot slide, which is defined elsewhere, possibly, or maybe not. Who can say?

(2) If you notice a butt plant growing near your butt or out of it, it's time for a shower.

Have someone help out by giving you a serious scrubbing too, OK? Weed often and check frequently for telltale regrowth.