Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Mt Sky Wiper

Hey. It's better than Twinkie Heights.

There is a move afoot to rename Mt Rainier in southwestern Washington State.

The name is currently Mt Rainier, as you might guess from the name, which is currently Mt Rainier.

But wasn't always.

Previous to Captain George Vancouver's float-by in May 1792, this massive massif, standing taller than anything else for miles and miles around, was known by several other names. Such as Tahoma, Tacobeh, Pooskaus, and the always-popular Tacoma.

But when Vancouver (who wore tight pants, a white wig, and was employed by the British Royal Navy to drift around and look at stuff) saw it, the first thing he thought of was his good buddy Admiral Peter Rainier, also of the tight-pants, British Navy, white wig set.

Rainier and the mountain were virtually twins: two 14,411 ft (4392 m) high, 500,000 year-old, glacier-covered piles of rubble. Gigantic, imposing, and likely to go off without warning.

"Make it so," Vancouver ordered, and lo, it was. The name has been Rainier for a pretty long time.

"That's part of the process I think when you conquer," says Robert Satiacum, a member of the Puyallup tribe, who used to, kind of, own the mountain. He prefers calling it Ti'Swaq', or Sky Wiper.

Soon though, Captain Vancouver quickly learned about the whole "branding" idea, and got a bunch of other things named directly after himself. Vancouver Island in British Canada, for example, and the city of Vancouver just next to it. The other city of Vancouver, now in Washington State. Mount Vancouver on the Yukon/Alaska border. And like that.

So now when someone says they're going to Vancouver all you think is WTF, get dizzy, and fall over.

Some of the other Northwest peaks used to be:

  • Mt Adams: Pah Do
  • Mt Baker: Koma Kulshan
  • Mt Hood: Wy'East
  • Mt St Helens: Suek

All hard to pronounce, and currently without strong brand identity. So how about some suggestions?

  • Mt Adams: Mt Samuel Adams - Take Pride In Your Beer.
  • Mt Baker: Mt Little Debbie Baker's Snack Cakes - Unwrap A Smile.
  • Mt Hood: Mt Red Riding Hood's Kinky Kostumes - We got the role. You bring the play.
  • Mt St Helens: Mt Mary Helen's Vegan Pet Chow - Tasty Bets For Your pets.

Hey, in these times of tight budgets the licensing fees could pay to bring more pro sports to the region.

So then we get back to Mt Rainer, but why screw with a good thing? No need to change the whole name when a little tweak will do, and it precedes Samuel Adams anyway.

Mt Rainier Hiking Fluid: "Hang on to youth while you can. We have the beer when you're ready."

We already filmed the ads decades ago:

While the Wonderland Trail and Mt Rainier Hiking Fluid go together like chocolate and peanut butter, please don't drink and hike.