Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Definitions: Closed-Ended Zipper

This is a zipper that is not infinite in length.

This style of zipper has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

When you close this zipper, it closes.

When you open this zipper it opens, but only so far, and then that's it, you can't take it any farther. At least with this kind of zipper you know what you can get away with.

You often find these zippers in pants, in the fly.

The fly is also called the "access port", "redneck air conditioning", "pickle hole" (maybe because of the warts), or "worm trap".

Originally the fly was just a flap but that wasn't good enough for city wear, so someone added teeth.

Likewise, toothiness is a characteristic of one of the other major uses of the closed-ended zipper, and that is on pullover shirts and such. Catching yourself in this upper-level zipper doesn't grab your attention in the same way the fly zipper does, but is exceptionally thrilling if you have a beard.

Most sleeping bags have a closed-ended zipper too, only there the real thrill is getting it jammed halfway up as you return to bed in the dark, on a freezing night, just after you've gotten up to go pee and have accidentally wet yourself in the wind.

This is called "adventure", which is a related topic, in case you couldn't tell. But it is.

As always, Effort or Eff it. No sniveling.

Source: How to talk in the woods.


  1. Why are zippers always trying to eat everything? If we feed them better food do you think they would stop?

    I had a nighttime adventure just this week when I got up to pee I realized I was hungry and it being 5AM was an acceptible hour for breakfast, so I stumbled around in the fog until I found where Id hung my food. But finding by hammock again- ah thats where it became an adventure because while the cord of my bear rope is reflective the tarp disapars in swirling mist that grows thicker with each exhale

  2. @Rambling Joan West

    It sounds like you could have been in central Oregon too.

    I bugged out from Olympia when the rain hit, but the Three Sisters decided to get into the act and throw some hissy fits of their own about the time that I got there. They did a good job of spraying fog, mist, hail, and snow at odd times of day or night. Until I left yesterday. Now it's going clear and sunny again, and warm and comfy, with scenery on display and all whatnot.

    Thursday night I got up to find clear skies at 11 p.m., and cold. ("Woot!", I thought, thought I, "Sunshine from here on out".) The stars were so sharp that my eyes hurt to look at them. By 4 a.m. it was even colder, and my 2.5 liter water bottles were freezing. By 6 a.m. things were getting warmer again, with a high haze. Then sunrise, and by 8:30 came drizzle. Followed by a gray, windy sky. Nice area though.

    All zippers remained functional, which is nice, considering that it's been over 100 years since the damn things were invented and no one has come up with a foolproof model yet. I like foolproof things, though if I get ahold of something that I can't make go off the rails, then I keep worrying it until the fool (me) wins (proof of competency). If it ain't broke then I'm not really trying is how it usually goes. And like that.

    At least we're past bug season. (I guess the woot goes here, eh?)