Hiker stink, from odious (hateful), which is close to odorous (poopy smell), but with an added hint of omigod!, and worse all around, truth be told.
Odious is related to the Spanglish adios, derived from the Spanish a dios vos acomiendo, sometimes translated as I commend you to God, but also validly translated as May God chop you into little bits, you stinky person.
Ultimately all this traces back to the French adieu, a dainty-sounding word also meaning I commend you to God, but with subtle muscular overtones of Because only God can give you proper punishment, you vile malodorous insect.
Hiker stink is so potent and makes such an unmistakable impression that a company named Liquid ASSets Novelties, LLC was formed to bottle it under the trade name of Liquid Ass.
We have this from a customer testimonial: "Liquid Ass is the most authentic smelling ass product I have found. It combines both a bona fide turd smell with the gaseous effects of a noxious fart bomb."
And that pretty well describes eau d’hiker, too, and though developing your own unique smell on the trail is more authentic than buying it already bottled, it is more work. And next to proper bathing, work is an even less interesting concept to hikers.
Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Always delightedly squeaking with cleanliness.
Etc...
so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction definitions: outdoor terms fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals
The short version: A dangle cord is an extra piece of line that you leave hanging down from a food bag that you hung in the trees, allowing you to pull the bag down again if friction prevents it from obediently descending on its own.
The long version: Have you ever hung your food in a bag, with the food bag hanging from one end of the line, with the rest of the line looped over a tree branch, then tied to something sturdy down below?
And then the next morning when you wanted your food back, you untied that bottom end, gave it some slack, and then your food bag just kept hanging there? Way up above your head? Refuseing to decend into your waiting arms? So then what?
Well, if you've ever spent two hours trying to get your food back out of a tree, and have almost decided to give up and go hungry for the final three days of your backpacking trip, then next time you hang up your food you might want to tie another piece of line onto the bottom of the food bag, or leave a loose end of that main supporting line hanging, so you can reach it. Either way works.
So that lets you give a tug to that second piece of line if you need to. To get the food bag started on its descent toward your waiting arms. Got that?
In other words, if the food bag don't move on its own, just give a tug straight down and pull your damn food out of the damn tree already, 'K?
Who cares if it suddenly decides to let go and fall, bonking you on the noggin? Better to get a brief head butt than to starve, is what I say. Are we all on board with this?
Try it. You'll like it.
Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Always learning, usually the hard way.
Etc...
so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction definitions: outdoor terms fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals
Original image stolen from USDA Forest Service, then edited.
(1) A level area created by cutting into a slope and adding a retaining wall.
Since the soil exposed by this is already compacted, the level area created is generally more stable than if it was created by laying in fill.
A cut slope is a manufactured form of the stream version, which is a cut bank, but a bank is usually all-natural (no sweaty work needed).
(2) This is a hillside hack, created by placing a trail inside the landscape by removing some of what was there originally. Do that and you get something like this, a cut slope. Produced by cutting, eh?
The point is to make a firm, level surface to walk on, which a slope doesn't have, and which you also don't get by just piling dirt onto a slope, even if you do it carefully.
You gotta go and hack and chop and cut that sucka down into the slope, and you gotta know what you're doing.
And when you're done you have a cut slope and you can walk there, and that's just exactly right. It's now a trail. Congratulations, you.
Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Cutting and hacking? Me? Get real.
Etc...
so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction definitions: outdoor terms fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals
This is always fun and educational, if not intentional in every case.
And doing this by yourself is a good way to get lost, simply and efficiently.
If you are so confused that you forget where the trail is, and then randomly wander off into the bushes, well, there may be no hope for you.
Because of this possibility, it's always a good idea to hike with companions. Then if all of you are so stupid that the whole bunch of you gets lost at once and has to bushwhack, you can always start eating the weakest members of your group as you go, and that may get you back home again.
On the other hand you might just walk yourself out of danger, back on a trail but into a nasty trial, so it actually could be better just to stay lost and starve to death.
Your call.
(2) Punishing the shrubbery.
You may have to do this from time to time to keep the vegetation in line.
Unenlightened people (i.e., non-backpackers) think that trails are actually maintained by paid drones whose only purpose in life is to go out and cut down little innocent plants so those city slickers can stroll through the landscape without getting grass stains on their socks.
Those slightly more brilliant but still basically cretinous think that trails are kept open by plenty of hikers using them, because of trampling the undergrowth back into oblivion and so on.
This is partly true, but trying it in an area where the shrubs have not been properly disciplined through frequent whackings can result in tragedy, something that all too often is the fate of idiots.
Always take your trekking poles, use them liberally, and never miss an opportunity to whack the flora as you pass by.
It's a jungle out there folks, and you can protect the rest of us by beating it into submission.
(3) Self defense in a mean forest.
This is really a last resort, though not a vacation resort, or a resort vacation, see? But really, if this is needed, then you picked the wrong place to go hiking.
If you notice bushes beginning to surround you or feel slithering vines stealthily snaking up and intertwining with your boot laces (and especially if you are out alone) then it may be too late already, so stop worrying and do something, pronto.
You should keep those trekking poles in your hands where they belong — never out of sight somewhere, never stashed.
Even reaching for a dry, sturdy stick might be a mistake. You never know exactly what you're turning your back on, and you can't count on always having a sturdy free range stick within reach anyway. And that stick may only be feigning death to fool you.
Yes folks, finding yourself way out there somewhere with lots of leaves and branches waving at you and creeping around, and all that nasty whispering going on is not pleasant at all.
You should always, always have companions, so at least you can abandon a few of them to the angry trees while you hotfoot it out of there again and back to town where you only have to face random gunfire.
Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Thinking about how fun it is to stay home with the cat.
Etc...
so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction definitions: outdoor terms fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals
