(1) Traveling off trail.
This is always fun and educational, if not intentional in every case.
And doing this by yourself is a good way to get lost, simply and efficiently.
If you are so confused that you forget where the trail is, and then randomly wander off into the bushes, well, there may be no hope for you.
Because of this possibility, it's always a good idea to hike with companions. Then if all of you are so stupid that the whole bunch of you gets lost at once and has to bushwhack, you can always start eating the weakest members of your group as you go, and that may get you back home again.
On the other hand you might just walk yourself out of danger, back on a trail but into a nasty trial, so it actually could be better just to stay lost and starve to death.
Your call.
(2) Punishing the shrubbery.
You may have to do this from time to time to keep the vegetation in line.
Unenlightened people (i.e., non-backpackers) think that trails are actually maintained by paid drones whose only purpose in life is to go out and cut down little innocent plants so those city slickers can stroll through the landscape without getting grass stains on their socks.
Those slightly more brilliant but still basically cretinous think that trails are kept open by plenty of hikers using them, because of trampling the undergrowth back into oblivion and so on.
This is partly true, but trying it in an area where the shrubs have not been properly disciplined through frequent whackings can result in tragedy, something that all too often is the fate of idiots.
Always take your trekking poles, use them liberally, and never miss an opportunity to whack the flora as you pass by.
It's a jungle out there folks, and you can protect the rest of us by beating it into submission.
(3) Self defense in a mean forest.
This is really a last resort, though not a vacation resort, or a resort vacation, see? But really, if this is needed, then you picked the wrong place to go hiking.
If you notice bushes beginning to surround you or feel slithering vines stealthily snaking up and intertwining with your boot laces (and especially if you are out alone) then it may be too late already, so stop worrying and do something, pronto.
You should keep those trekking poles in your hands where they belong — never out of sight somewhere, never stashed.
Even reaching for a dry, sturdy stick might be a mistake. You never know exactly what you're turning your back on, and you can't count on always having a sturdy free range stick within reach anyway. And that stick may only be feigning death to fool you.
Yes folks, finding yourself way out there somewhere with lots of leaves and branches waving at you and creeping around, and all that nasty whispering going on is not pleasant at all.
You should always, always have companions, so at least you can abandon a few of them to the angry trees while you hotfoot it out of there again and back to town where you only have to face random gunfire.
Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@gmail.com
Me? Thinking about how fun it is to stay home with the cat.
Etc...
so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals