Lose weight while scheming.
Remember that gross weight got that name for a reason.
Choose whether to carry weight in your belly or on your back, but get accustomed to the taste first, while you are still at home and can watch TV and take naps in between retching spells.
Even a trip of a thousand miles begins with one step. The first one is to buy a scale. The second is to use it. The third is learning to fudge.
Practice hiking naked. It is practical. Naked people are also funny. This could be you.
Do not carry heavy rocks in your pack. Experienced hikers carry only light rocks.
If your pack is so light that you forget it is there, then it is light enough. Expect to lose it in a strong wind. Just before the really big storm hits.
Get your base weight down to 15% of your body weight. Then diet.
Poop more.
Make all your gear of camouflage cloth. There is nothing lighter than being invisible.
Try to plan ahead. Try to be efficient. Try to be good. If you can't live up to these standards then learn to yogi while telling entertaining lies.
Hold your breath. Breathing uses energy. Energy requires food. So — breathe less, eat less, carry less, go farther.
Humping a heavy pack is a sin, especially if you are caught in the act. This goes double if someone has a camera. Especially if it is their pack.
Donate your old heavy things to your daughter's boyfriend. Judge the outcome as a chance to hone your observational skills. And as the source for at least one good story.
If you need it, bring it. If not, don't. If wrong, borrow. If you can't borrow, steal. Also, practice sprinting before you start that stealing part. But also remember that while swiftness is is said to be for the young, things are different when you have a light pack. Then, even geezers can run fast.
Avoid parasites unless you are one. If so, be fun. Everyone loves a show, and a little missing blood is a small price to pay for a good time, easily forgiven. More points in your favor.
Use dehydrated water whenever possible, despite the expense.
Do not covet anyone else's gear. Instead, appropriate their ideas, which are much lighter and pack smaller. Then claim them as your own, then confess and promise you'll never do that again. Because confession cleanses the soul and lightens it too, which is good for at least another five miles a day.
Taste everything to see if it is good to eat. Surprises often come in small packages, though some have stingers. And keep in mind that out there somewhere is something that might regard you as tasting good in a crunchy sort of way.
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Me? Recently offered a time-share in hell. Cheap. Any thoughts?