Whether you want them to be or not.
Because resources are becoming scarcer, along with fresh clean water, and breathable air, we've decided to make the best of a bad situation.
Starting this week, in selected stores nationwide, we will be selling a new kind of backpacking snack food. We're calling it HikrNibbles.
What's in it?
Well, good stuff. It's all good. But mostly fish lips.
Decades of research into pet food has taught us a thing or two about what we can sell, and this is no exception. Design a colorful box, come up with a marketing plan, add salt, grease, assorted artificial flavors, and you have a winner.
Right now we're test-marketing fish lips to hikers, but this could go huge.
Right, you say to yourself, that's sounds pretty good, but I've never had fish lips and I'm not sure I want some, thank you for asking. But you would be missing the point.
This isn't about what you want, it's about what we can sell you. And how much we can charge. Fish lips are an untapped resource, up to now used only in low-end pet foods, and school lunch programs, and as fertilizer.
We think we can do better, and you can help.
Just try a few cases and see.
We're betting that before long you'll discover you can't get through even one day without having a box of our new HikrNibbles snack product within reach. That's due to our extensive market research, and a few "special" ingredients, which are all perfectly legal in some countries.
Enjoy the the mild smoky flavor, the salty tang, the way our fishy nuggets just seem to slide down your gullet. You'll keep coming back for more. And due to our "special" ingredients, we think you'll do that whether or not you want to.
Worried about sustainability? Don't be.
HikrNibbles aren't made from salmon, or tuna, or any of those other fish you've heard of. You know, the ones that are getting scarce.
Nope. We deal strictly in what the industry calls "by-catch".
By-catch or by-golly, there is more of this stuff than we know what to do with, and now you can eat it for us.
Whether you know what's in it or not, we are confident that our brilliant marketing research minds, honed to a sharp edge by years of selling to discerning pet owners from every level of society, have found a product that will keep your feet a-trompin' down that trail.
Just remember to carry an ample supply of HikrNibbles with you at all times to avoid any of those nasty "withdrawal symptoms", which are so easily avoidable. Just munch a bunch of nibbly bits.
Fido loves 'em too! $10 per 4-oz. pack. Practically no bitter aftertaste.
From In-Continent Foods.
More: Saving Salmon by Eating Them