Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Grizzly Bears Attack Alaska

Possibly mistaking the state for tacky footwear.

Earlier this week, Mike and Tammy Jones drove to Anchorage, Alaska on a regular shopping trip. They each bought several pair of Crocs shoes, which they are addicted to. On the way home they decided to spend the night in a campground, where they were eaten by chipmunks sometime during the night.

This is only one in a series of baffling incidents which some say presage a counter-attack by nature on bad taste, hyper-consumption, and the over-intrusion of humans into the last remaining vestiges of wilderness.

Every backpacker has had their own experiences.

You set up camp, eat, clean up, and then as dark falls, you snuggle down inside your cozy sleeping bag and serenely drift off to sleep. Only to awaken a couple hours later covered by swarms of ravenous mice drawn to the faint aroma of supper clinging to your lips.

You know how this works. Either they find some vittles they can cart off and devour in peace, or they shred everything you have in retaliation. Or worse.

Take the case of Brenda Snoerffer of St. Michael, Minnesota.

While gently paddling about in a small lake near her family's cabin in rural Aitkin County, she was nearly nipped to bits by ornery otters.

"First I thought the bluegills were bitin' pretty good. Then I realized they was bitin' me. And then I remembered that bluegills don't have no teeth, so then I got a little scairt," she related to authorities. "Then I seen all these furry heads pop up around me, and all those eyes, and then I really did get scairt pretty good."

A trip to a nearby hospital and treatment by doctors skilled in dealing with the web-footed aquatic weasels quickly got her back on the road to recovery. But not without a few scars as a frightening reminder of what Nature can dish out.

So, back to Alaska then, where it's not all chipmunks and weasels. There are bigger things out there. Much, much bigger things.

After close to a century of being billed as North America's big-game hunting paradise, quite a few of the larger beasts are now hunting the hunters. Several hunters have been devoured by unknown toothed animals lately, while others have been severely trampled by whatever it is that leaves large hoofy prints behind.

Could be lots of things, but whatever it is, it has an attitude.

And finally, just last Thursday around 11:43 p.m., something large, lumbering, and extremely furry emerged from the woods along State Highway 27 and began tearing up the pavement.

Some say it was a huge grizzly. Some say they don't know, but increased surveillance at all locations around the state has revealed unmistakable tooth marks in all sorts of state buildings, including some at the State Capitol itself.

So, grizzlies are now attempting to bite Alaska to death. Your state could be next. Staying in your tent will not help a whole lot, experts say.

More:

Grizzly Bear Attacks Alaska Woman Near Anchorage-Area Campground

Second otter attack reported in less than a month in Northland

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