Wednesday, January 26, 2022

Abdomen

Abdomen

(1) When applied to an insect, this term refers to the squishy back-end part that contains the digestive, sexual and pooping organs. And the breathing apparatus, if you can believe that. Basically, insects breathe with their butts. But then so do some of us, I guess. We know them as buttheads.

(2) The abdomen is the second most favorite body part of backpackers. It is home to the tummy region, which is where the beer and hamburgers go, or if you're still on the trail as you read this, the noodles and Snickers bars.

(3) Abdomen is a fancy word for gut, which is what you have if your mileage has been too low lately, because you're spending a lot of time in front of the TV keeping up with the Kardashians, but your appetite still thinks that it's way out there somewhere, all sweaty and huffing, on the verge of discovering a new continent.

(4) On the other hand, for hair fetishists, the abdomen is thought of with excitement as the soft expanse below the ribs and yet above the pubic area, strictly speaking, a virtual nature preserve for excess hair. What particularly stimulates them is that this hair sometimes arranges itself into a sort of line connecting the shoal of fuzziness surrounding the belly button to the potentially risky pubic hair triangle, a region fraught with complex and conflicting emotions, and seldom sighted in public.

(5) Not amoebas, not at all. Nothing to do with amoebas. Amoebas, shy little critters that they are, have enough trouble just spelling their name right side up, and don't need or want the extra complexity of dealing with either your abdominal regions or with hair, anyone's hair, and certainly not with hairy abdomens, now or ever.

 


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