Wednesday, June 15, 2022



A happy camper wearing truncated pants.


(1) Pants: Plural of pant. May indicate either exhaustion or excitement as signified by rapid action of the lungs. Or from exhaustion following anything even remotely exciting, if you're getting older.

(2) Pants are also an article of clothing worn over the lower body. May be called "trousers" by some. They have two legs, just like most of us. Each leg consists of a separate tubular fabric compartment, open at the bottom, which allows the occasional ingress of unwanted visitors such as the trouser snake, which sometimes enters the pants in search of its most-desired prey, the wrinkly pants worm, which may be found hiding in there.

(3) Worn by both men and women, pants are an outer garment that clothe the body below the waist. Pants cover each leg separately, from the crotch to the ankle. They are also known as "trousers", which was already mentioned as you know by now, if you were paying attention.

"Hot pants", a kind of "short-shorts" for young women, were released to the world by marketing geniuses in the 1970s but the term actually dates to 1927 for some reason. Shorts are a kind of pants, but shorter, and the memories of the hot pants days can still induce panting in those who were male teenagers then. With good reason, maybe. Works for me.

But wow, hot pants go back to 1927? That leaves me panting. My breath comes in pants, with cuffs, a zippered fly, and a watch pocket. But you don't have to hike in pants. You can use a kilt, albeit a manly one. Unless you are a woman, in which case you can do anything you want without having to explain yourself.

Getting into further explaining, the word "pants" originally came from "pantaloons", a word based on Pantaloun, an old man character in an Italian comedy of the 1580s. He was a guy who wore tight trousers over his skinny legs. Probably a thing back then. Who can say?

(4) Pants: The sounds that hikers make when going uphill. Or "gasps", if you are actually doing it right. Short, labored intakes of breath with the mouth open, so's you're always ready to yell for help at any instant. Or swear, whichever seems like it might do the most good in any particular situation. Sometimes both.


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Me? Recently seen gasping in embarrassment (fly open again).