Wednesday, February 14, 2024

Ax Me Anything (Hardware Edition)

Ax Me Anything (Hardware Edition)


(1) To pose a question, but it's best not to push this too far. (See example, below.)

(2) A big knife-like thingy used for gross whittling exercises. Uses large muscle groups.

(3) Shaving instrument handy for rough first approximations or executions.

(4) Toy good for cutting off fingers.

(5) Heavy metal tool on a stick.

Normally this sort of implement is used to hack at things for various reasons, as in chopping up deadfall found on trails, or while constructing log bridges, water bars, and so on, but when misused these implements become known as "axes of evil".

The stick part is called the "handle". (Dig it.)

The place where the stick fits into the metal part is the "ax hole". (Ditto, sort of.)


(6) Sounds made by a famished backpacker finally able to sit down to dinner after a 14-hour, 30-mile day, only to discover that the food is inedible. But it still has to be eaten in order to fend off death. (Pronunciation guide: Singular, ack. Plural, acks.) Generally, any sound which is the opposite of yum.

Sometimes the acking noises are caused by too many bugs in the food, but backpacking being what it is, backpacking meals can never have too many bugs.

If people ack at bugs in food it's a sure sign that they have slim credentials and haven't been on the trail long enough to need protein and vitamin supplements, so acking that progresses to retching is likely to result in revocation of one's backpacking license.

(7) Also known as "axe". (If words containing just two letters are too hard for you.)


Example: "Go ahead, ax me a question," said Ed, for the 37th time that day, which is what prompted Sue to finally reach for her ax.

A single-bit ax has one sharp edge and a double-bit ax has two of them, so with the latter you tend to realize more quickly when one has bitten you, as in Ed's case, though he soon began thinking of other things, and then didn't do much of anything for, like, forever mostly.

Sue later went on to become an ax for hire and brought peace to many more relationships. (After first finishing her hike.)


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so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals