Wednesday, February 7, 2024

Zipper Pull

Zipper Pull

Pull It, See What Happens.


(1) The amount of political, economic, social, or personal influence that your zipper has on the world. If you're laughing at this, then you are not famous and your very own zipper (and anything near it) has no pull. Loozah!

(2) A competitive and frantic backpacking sport, but played solo. It's just you pitted against that entire package of fig newtons you ate two hours ago. Good luck, because losing that race isn't funny. To you.

(3) That little dangly thing hanging off the zipper which you pull on as the first step in the process of bleeding your lizard, or which you pull on to cut off the draft after you've finished with the lizard stuff. NO — it's the little dangly thing ON THE ZIPPER, not the other little dangly thing.

How it works is the zipper pull is attached to the "slider", which is the part that pulls together the nasty "teeth", which are in turn attached to the "zipper tape", which is sewn into your pants, which is why it's all so solid and can get such a firm and unforgettable grip on you if you don't pay attention to what you are doing and how you are doing it. (It's like a sort of mechanically-operated IQ test.)

So, pulling on the zipper pull is a process that aids in causing many unfortunate accidents that could never occur when buttons ruled the earth, even if people were just as careless way back when.

(4) What allows you to get snugly and securely wrapped in your sleeping bag when you're tired and cold, and then when you wake up in the dark, having to pee like crazy, the thing that jams and keeps you snugly and securely locked in. Good luck with that.

(5) That deeply tingling feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you step off the platform and go shooting down the zip line, especially if you discover, one or more microseconds too late, that only one end of the zip line is actually firmly attached to anything. Also known as The Ultimate Gravity Experience.


Have anything worth adding? Then try
Me? Being extra-careful lately.



so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals