Wednesday, May 27, 2015

10 Essential Myths — Ilumination

Number four: Peek a boo. I see you!

Have you ever been out camping? At all?

Probably, right? Or else you wouldn't be reading this, nut cruncher that you are.

You can take it.

You've been there. All alone in the dark. Sleeping peacefully after a day of backpacking.

And then you have to take a whiz.

Which is something you can't do inside your tent, no matter how little you actually want to get out of your sleeping bag, put on your shoes, and go stumbling around in the dark.

Which is why you need illumination.

Illumination (a flashlight, headlamp, or whatever) will help you get out there, do your business, and get you back to bed, where you belong. Without too much chance of you wandering off and getting entirely lost, or of going over a cliff. Both of these are real bummers, as those who can speak from experience will tell you.

Illumination will help you get out there, do your business, and get back to your bed, but it will not prevent you from having to get up in the first place, which would be even better. Much, much better. Makes you wonder why we're getting fancier lights all the time, but no one has figured out a way to stay in bed and blow off all that wandering around in the dark.

And there's another thing. The eyes.

Take a decent light with you when you leave the safety of your tent, shine it around here and there to get your bearings, and you can just about bet on finding a lot of eyes out there, looking back.

All those eyes — so very many of them — all turned your way.

They're waiting for you.

Waiting for you to step away from the security of your zipped-up tent and take a few steps into the woods. Just a few steps, that's all. That's enough. Just a few steps.

You are, after all, a stranger here, and don't know your way around, which is why you have that headlamp on your noggin, that flashlight in your hand. Either of which will show you a few things though not much — mostly the eyes.

But more importantly, having that light on your person, shining it around, left, right, up, down. Well, that's a bright beacon signaling. Signaling that the big-city doofus is up, in the dark, defenseless, and also signaling exactly where your doofus self is located.

Ever think of that?

You will now.

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